Lawn Mowers, Bull Riders and Those behind the mask

The lawn saga continues on and on. I was able to share it with my massage therapist last week during my session. Love those days. But I really loved what she had to say other than the fact that she thought she needed pink underwear like mine since her husband liked pink! Now, for you faint of heart...those of you who are not able to handle the vocabulary of the world, click off now! I would like to share with the rest of you who can handle it, the words of the massage therapist! She worked long and hard on my shoulders. Asked me what I had been doing that made me so tight? Of course....I have been hauling a heavy gas weed eater around. She worked on my lower back. Then she began to work on my rear. She compliments my "pink" and then exclaims: "Trina, for a woman your age, you have, may I say, the tightest ass!" I just about rolled off the table laughing. She repeated the comment when she continued to the other cheek. I laughed again. So, that mower is good for one thing. I may have a tight ass, but she really had to push through the fat to find it. I wish that everyone could see that! But I have a tight tush! And I got it from hard work! (Okay, so she may not have meant it that way, but hey, I am taking it to the max.)
Then for the rest of the massage, I explained to her the landscape and the mower. After talking to some of my neighbors, I have discovered that the previous owner wanted to be a farmer/rancher. Therefore he bought a tractor. He just drove it every three or four months and plowed up the dirt. No disc. No planting of seeds for wheat, maize, cotton, or grass. Just till up the dirt and watch it wash away in the rain. So...now I have 5 acres of land that are uneven, sloped, riveted, sandy, and filled with grass burrs. All because he wanted to be something he wasn't! Hello, Barbie and I are the same age. I would love to look like Barbie. But I don't. I just don't think the rest of Abilene is ready for me to walk around in no bra, painted on underwear, and clothes that are skin tight. I just don't think that would work. I don't have the figure for it. I am thinking that he didn't have the true meaning of the word tractor...well unless he thought his tractor made him sexy. So, I work hard at being Barbie with a real woman's figure!
This brings me to my thoughts as I was riding that tractor for 4 hours yesterday. Something that has been on my for the last few days. Something that hurts others more than it hurts ourself. How many of us pretend to be something we truly aren't. This is one thing I struggle with and try not to do! It is hard sometimes!!! But I want people to love me for me. I love my family...but I don't want people to love me because of them. I want to be loved for me being me. So...yesterday I went to dinner without styling my hair, or applying makeup (of course, I was so tired I couldn't lift my arms up to do any of that!!! I had been holding onto the wheel of a lawnmower). i told the wait person that I was totaly exhausted and sleepy, but I would be a very polite diner. Point is....I didn't cause anyone to pass from this life because I was just me. I didn't get shunned. I was allowed to enter a restaurant and order dinner......without styled hair and makeup!!! And, even though I was totally exhausted, I was still courteous and fun to the wait staff. I was without my mask! It was wonderful!!! As for who I am at home versus school and public life. I try to be an open book. Ask my students.....Ask my kids. I will chew them out in public as well as in private. I will love on them at home as well as in public. The question to myself yesterday during that 4 hours was: When I get my feelings hurt, or am frustrated with someone, or angry with someone, am I hiding behind a mask when I don't step out there and voice my thoughts (not in an ugly way, but even in a kind way?) Is that a mask, or is it just my way of keeping peace among all people?
As for the bull rider in the title? I won't even pretend to be a bull rider, but after 4 hours of a bucking lawn mower, I think 8 seconds would be an easy ride. It's just getting off the bull that would get me!