Steps....

Today is one of those days that I greet with mixed emotions. It is kin to New Years and Mother's Day. It is great because it is Sunday. Even better today because I sang on the praise team with my dearest friends! However, it is a very, very, very hard time of the year. This year presented me with a first. A first that I felt like I blew until my friends told me that I hadn't really blown it.
You see, I make my children go to the store and pick out all the cards for Grandparent's Day, Birthdays, Valentine's, Mother's Day and Father's Day. They can pick out whatever they want as long as they have read it and tell me what they like about it. My daughter always has a great reason..usually what the card says about the person. My son...well, "I picked this one because one year I made PawPaw a paper tie for Father's Day" or "Grandad loves Mickey Mouse". So me make our trek to the store for our purchases. We are standing with cards in hand ready to move to the register when my son grabs a card and says, "I want to buy this card instead". It was a card with Mowgli and Baloo on it. When opened, it plays the song "I Want to Be Like You" from Jungle Book. That is one of his all time favorite movies. Watched it just last weekend. So I suggested we read what it said before switching out. As soon as I began on the front, my heart sank. It read: "I want to follow you around and do the things you do, AND, Daddy, here's the reason...I want to be like you." Then it plays the song. No sooner than he got to the AND part, he realized what it said. It brought the love of a movie, two characters who rolled, played, worked together and got in trouble together, with the realization that he couldn't buy this card for anyone in the family. He looked up at me and said, "But I love this card". I didn't think before opening my mouth and told him that we could buy it, but the only one that would enjoy listening to his voice and a song from a $7.00 card would be the birds out at the cemetery who listened to it. We loaded into the car and headed for home. I heard no laughing, talking or singing from him on the way home. I looked in the rear view mirror only to see him just sitting there. If you know my son....this is NOT typical of him. I asked if he was okay, and he said he thought he would just take a nap when we got home. (Well, he didn't...too much to play with) I felt so sick for him. This was the first time I ever saw in him the acknowledgement of where we stand in our life as a family. I truly think that it wasn't that he couldn't have the cool card....it was the fact that he couldn't have it because there is no one in our house to call "Daddy".
So...after second service today, my heart was heavy. Not about the sermon thoughts, but the fact that I was going home to two children who heard "Father's Day" several times today, and they both understood what we are missing. I called the house and told them to start lunch without me if need be. I had an errand to run. I went to the same store. Found the card and with the two dollar off coupon from yesterday, purchased the card. You can record a thought before it plays the song. and so I recorded:
"K. May you always follow in both your Daddy Kelly's and your Heavenly Father's steps so that your kids will want to follow in your footsteps and sing...." then it plays...."OOOdo, I want to be like you-oo-oo......
We love you Lord. Thanks for sending our "Daddy" here for a short time, but thank you that he is with you because he chose to walk in your steps!
The card...will be found around bed time.