And I cried last night!

So off of the high....down the slopes to the condo. Yep. I cried last night. Even took a longer way home from my McMurry class. I cried because the pharmacy made me show proof that Makaley was mine (wrong b-date in computer). I cried because right in the middle of my class, my favorite bracelet...a link type with a heart in the middle given to me by Suzie, broke. I mean, it just broke. I cried because I was tired. And..........I cried because I looked over at one of my favorite blogs, Confessions of the pioneer woman, found myself just staring at the pictures dreaming of how I loved someone just like her Marlboro man and realized that the wrangler wearing, hat wearing, bow-legged, boot wearing, mustached man who helped me bring Miss Makaley into this world will not be there in the waiting room with me while she has her little (15 min.) tonsil surgery. So, I confess that after almost 7 1/2 year, I still have my moments. I miss him. I miss his deep voice. His confidence. And I miss his attitude of (as he once told me)..."I will get you the moon, tie it down, and whoop anyone who tries to take it from you." He was always that way. I miss the relationship.
Don't get me wrong. I have a great faith, great support of friends, wonderful family and yes even another man in my life. I am thankful, blessed and happy. But.........this is "our" baby. The one of two children who knew the gentle huge hands of a loving true cowboy. She was comforted by her daddy's mustache, and voice. He should be there in body for her. But since he won't, the family will be. AND this morning during the moment of silence..........I once again asked God to send His biggest best cowboy guardian angel to watch over "our" angel and the doctors.
Although sometimes I get frustrated with where I am in life.........It is my life and I promise to stick to it!

A Natural High....from a mom!

Ain't blogging great! I get to tell other people all about my life. Hey, you clicked on my blog spot so you are either curious about me, know me, or are just bored. Then, you can click off after this sentence or continue to listen to me..........and I won't know your choice. My feelings have not a clue to be hurt IF you don't read, or IF you do read and don't leave a comment. So...I get to express my feelings and go on with life. I love to talk, and I hate to be interrupted so this is wonderful. With that said...................here is a clip of my life.

Don't you love it when you are on a natural high? Here are just a few.
Falling in love; Laughing so hard your face hurts and tears roll. A hot shower. No lines at the supermarket. A special glance. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. Road trips with friends.
Your first kiss.

I guess you might say that I maintained a natural high this past weekend, AND as the mother of these two children...............I own all bragging rights.

Saturday morning we attended our first Tae Kwan Do (sp) testing for a belt. I watched my son and thought for a moment that I might need to go pick up some yellow fabric at Wal Mart and make him the coveted "yellow belt". Makaley and I sat with one eye open and the other closed. We decided that we just can't take the pressure! And then........we watched him break a board. Yep! I was afraid that they would ask him to use his head to do it. Nope, he tried his hand, but no success. Finally he did break one with his foot and his eyes did shine. There was hope that IF he didn't get the yellow belt, we had seen some success today and life would be fine. Did it matter that he was second lowest scorer? NOPE........We came home with a yellow belt, AND I discovered that he CAN sit still when asked to.
That afternoon, we went to see "Wharton Hears A Who" with Tony, Brandi, Katie, Mattie May and Nikki. Afterwards we took our $20.00 worth of tokens (remember the basket I bid on and won at the carnival) and played at the arcade. You know, we had a great time. Fun, Family and "Free" tokens for "free" junk! Can't beat it.
On Sunday, Makaley and I attended her awards ceremony for LTC (Leadership Training Conference) that we attended Easter Weekend. I was sooooo very proud of my little girl. She was on a team that received a gold medal. She also received an individual Gold for her Bible knowledge (thanks Hysti). She also completed other activities such as bulletin boards, teaching, drama, chorus and was the only one to do a power point. She did great and got medals in all events. AFTER, the ceremony, she and I attended a "Tea Party" for 2nd - 4th graders. We sat with one of her friends. Both girls wore hats, gloves and shawls. We drank tea from beautiful cups, learned to make "bonnet" cookies and learned the art of folding napkins. The ladies at church decorated beautifully.
The evening ended with Tony and me going grocery shopping at Wal Mart. He took his basket, I took mine. We met on a few aisles (you know...the high of "the glance"). We tried to not have the highest bill (he won) and then we gathered children so we could sit around and laugh with each other.
This IS my life on a natural high and I AM sticking to it! God is good all the time. All the time...God is good. Find you a natural high!

Where oh Where.........

You must sing as you read..............Feel free to use the tune "Where oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone" and sing at the top of your lungs. Come on........it's Tuesday! More later!

Where oh where did my dear Spring Break go?
Oh where oh where did it run.....
Some days were rainy....Some days were clear
Guess I was just sat on my rear!

Where oh where did the time off go?
I know that I got some work done.
I am sitting here with graded papers piled high..
But no energy to enter grades in.

So I ask one more time....
Where oh Where did the time off go to?
My house is a total mess.
Eight days I was off, and I got up every day
But......What did I do before bed?

When oh when is my next day off....
Oh yes, next week that would be..
Makaley is having her tonsils out
But I will be nurse maid again.

Happy Spring Break!!!

Dr. David and Kauy

Yesterday I did exactly the one thing I "hate" as a teacher. I took my kids out of school to go to the dentist. I always want to strangle parents who take their kids out of my class to go to the Dr., dentist, or orthodontist. And so.........what did I do? Joined the throng of parents who do that. (It seems that this year I have been the parent that all teachers hate........blame it on unstable hormones!)
It is probably the scariest time for a child, however.........as Kauy's mom, I was probably more frightened. Let's face the fact here. Kauy is his daddy's child. He will argue with a dead turtle at the loudest possible decibel.....think he is loosing the discussion, and go at it some more. So, when Dr. David asked if I had any questions, I had one: "Will you still be my friend and dentist when this is over?" And he laughed.
I remember as a child that I hated the dentist. We visited one dentist in particular whose door had no knob on the "waiting room" side. Parents were not allowed back, and he was not a "child friendly" person to begin with. As an adult, I don't like going to the dentist either. I don't like having any part of my body feeling like it is hanging down lower than my chin, feeling like there is a constant stream of drool running down and dripping on the boobs and thinking that my speech is slurred. If that is going to happen I would rather have it happen because I had a really good drink!
David puts the mask on, Kauy's eyes are the size of a dixie cup and I begin to slip out the door. I don't do needles well, nor do I do my son's reaction to the medical profession (remember he crawled under the chair after the first eye drop at the eye doctor's office). It is then I realize that my son has met his match. A nice match at that. For every "No I am not" David would have a "oh come on you.... and I AM the dentist". He had a come back for Kauy every time. Of course I found out that he put the little "orange breather" on him to make him just goofy to do whatever David said. I may try to buy one of those for home! Short story shorter..........he had his tooth filled and was out of the chair before Makaley had her teeth cleaned. So.......we went home, had lunch together, and we went back to school at 11:30.
Of course Kauy got his first mark of the week. I said he could blame it on the "orange breather" if he needed to.
Maybe David needs to "borrow" Kauy once in awhile when the last of his two very quiet, polite, calm sons have left the house.

The Birds, The Bees...and Aunt Traci

I can't find anywhere that I have written lately about my precious daughter and her "wonderings" about life. I would like to share one with you because it is so....Makaley and my sister(mother #2 to my children). Of course, IF you knew my sister, you would laugh.

So....I find it very funny that the other night as I am talking to my sister on the phone, Makaley tells me she needs to talk to Aunt Traci. So, I gave her the phone. Right off the bat she says...."Aunt Traci, is right that a 9 year old starts her period?" I choked, my mom choked, and I hoped that Traci had hold of the steering wheel because she was driving in the snow. She begins to tell Traci that one of her friends would start her period in 2 month. (like you pick a day?) "The Doctor told her so and her mom got her a book." Oh Great............Here we go. I can hear my sister through the phone...."Well, you can't stop it (something like that)". Then she asks Makaley if she had talked to me..."Yes" and then asks if Makaley had started her period? Makaley answers "Yuck NO!" I am behind the door laughing because not to long ago, Makaley asked Tony what a foreskin was...not me. (this is from a Bible lesson she was studying and my mom said...."Go ask your mother." Which she did, but just asked a man to see if I knew what I was talking about. What...just because I don't have a husband, I wouldn't know about those things and the birds and the bees. She wasn't sitting in my fortune cookie waiting to come home with us.
You know what happened next......Makaley gets her answer, is satisfied, and gives the phone back to me to which Traci promptly accuses me..the mother...of putting her up to it. I am glad that Makaley feels comfortable with both of us, but I love "sharing the fun" with my sister/friend. I am so glad we have Aunt Traci. Aunt Traci mends hurt feelings, reteaches Math lessons, offers advice, and now............just because she worked in a hospital at one time, can answer all HEALTH questions.
Be prepared Aunt Traci. Makaley's class is having the lesson on the birds and the bees otherwise knows as "The Changing in a Young Girl's Life" on Thurs. or Fri. of this week. I am sure you will get another phone call. And Uncle Timmy.............you can answer all of Kauy's questions. Grandad will probably just get flustered and rub his hands together.

Will you carry someone else's load?

What a weekend! This was a great weekend for basketball in Tuscola. They needed something to brighten their spirits. Makaley will be having tonsils out and Kauy scared me to death with a tonsil trying to abscess. I did 5 loads of laundry and loaded up a trash can with "junk" and then filled 5 big bags with dead leaves. We all needed spirits lifted and because I can't win at basketball, I do yard work to lift my spirts. Maybe the 5 load of laundry cleaned my soul too. Who knows, but I got after it!
I don't often dwell on the fact that I lost my husband (age 36) in an accident 7 1/2 years ago. I try not to go on and on. This past week, I wrestled with those "old feeling" of true loss. One of the ladies in my "game night" group lost her husband very suddenly this past Tuesday night. I don't know of a more helpless feeling than to just sit and watch someone who was up and going days earlier (in my case hours earlier) lay there and you know you can do nothing but hold on to hope.........whatever that might be at the moment. We say "till death do us part" on a day that we are so in love, on a day that is so perfect, and in a way that is so....just a part of some words we repeat because we just want to be one with this person now! We never imagine that those words could come before we are 75...85....and beyond. But at some point that will happen to one of the two standing there holding hands. My heart has been heavy for the past two weeks. One woman in Tuscola is standing there expecting a son while her husband drifted into the arms of God. My friend Julie stood there in the hospital where she works and watched her husband drift into God's arms too and in both cases, my heart cracked again and again. I understand the hurt, the feel of being lost, the frustration, the short changed life, the dreams that fled out the window, but at the same time, I understand the feeling of God's arms around you....arms that only you feel. I understand the peace (true peace) in knowing that there are so many things your loved one will never have to go through later down the line because they have found the greatest peace of all. I understand the feeling that if you see ham or chicken again, you might throw it at someone......the tears of spring..........the tears of winter. I understand the times you just want to talk about all the fun you had with the one you loved. I understand the hanging onto everything that smells like him, was him, and will be him. Yet in all of this "understanding" I am unable to help! I can not compare my loss to theirs nor can they to mine. Even though they are similar, they are different. I want to help, but I remember being the one who didn't want to tell others who had been there how I felt right then. And I remembered hearing the word "widow" in the Bible so much that I didn't want that to be my new name. I didn't want them to say...."when I became a widow....".
My description of death to my children is the locust. You see, it leaves it shell on the solid ground. It cracks through the "shell" to fly as a new creature! We love summer so that we can look at the "shells" and hear the locust in the trees. Maybe I am ready for summer. Just so that I can be assured that all of us will fly free one day.
This is not meant to get you down. This is meant to remind readers that right now...right when you are ready to "be there" for someone maybe not be the time. It will be weeks, maybe months down the line. But, the one thing I know you can do that will truly matter is to pray. I remember being carried in prayer because I just couldn't find the words to do it myself. So, pray for the Knox family and for my friend Julie. Lift them and carry them daily because some days, they won't have the strength to do it themselves but will make it because you lifted them up! Will you take that load for them?