No "smarts" allowed

It is finally here. "It" will be the moment we have worked for all year. "It" will be the TAKS test. We have several synonyms for the TAKS. AND...we have several words that are the originals for this acronym. "Tests Are Kept Secret", "Teachers Are Keeping Silent" "Texas Audiences Know-it-all Sometimes" and "Texas Assessment to Keep students looking Stupid". I feel like the last one is probably the best. STUPID is a great word sometimes! The test in itself is not a "stupid" item. It does test their ability and checks to see if I am teaching the curriculum (which is set to the TAKS more or less. BUT...what it does to our children is "stupid". It is really more of...how long can a child sit on his or her rear, while reading more than 3 stories (usually 1 1/2 to 2 pages long), answer questions that are written by an over-achieving adult, not get tired, not get hungry, and not go to sleep ...type thing. For many of my students it is an endurance test, not a how smart are you test. They do fine if it is one or two stories, but you know....some of them get tired of history and science stories, and are ready to move on. Hmmm.... that sounds like me, not just the students. I don't enjoy sitting for hours reading things I am not interested in at all. I myself am not a very good test taker.
Last week, we teachers signed our lives to TAKS. We promise NOT to...grade papers, work on lessons plans, read the newspaper, read books, or read/type on blog spots. We promise NOT to ...point to anything on the paper for fear we have read the whole test, mentally answered the questions, and have an answer key. We promise to keep the lights on, the noise level the way it should be, give unlimited amount of time to complete the test, and still maintain every one's sanity! We promise to not enter the room after locking it during lunch when the tests themselves are in lock-down. We promise to not wear anything that could lead the students to grasp a math or reading concept, and we must cover anything in the room that is related to reading or math.(let me just clean the room in my spare time). We also promise to collect all cell phones brought into the room for fear of cheating. I probably promised to check hands, feet and hems of shirts to be sure no calculators, dictionaries or other cheating paraphernalia are hidden.
Now the best part is.....there are 50 forms of the test. I only will test 21 students so no two students will have the same form. BUT........they can still cheat. All of this makes me think that there is someone who just doesn't want our students to be smart. They raise the bar, they scare them to death, they add more rules and regulations. Sorry, you just can't be smart. You have to be able to "out-smart" the test makers.
Today I had my students write down the steps that I have taught for taking the reading TAKS. One went like this:
1. I take a deep breath
2. I take off the little red tab.
3. I go to the first story then look at the rest.
4. I go to the boring ones first.
5. Then I find the interesting ones next.
6. I take a few more deep breaths.
so on and so on. There were 10 things to remember.
I just loved the first two. He is soooo literal. He is already in the groove. He will do well I am sure. He will out-smart the test makers.
Yep, we are ready. We are prepared. We are going to make "It" a "HIT"!!!! My kids are smart.
My TAKS stands for....Teacher And Kids Succeed! Go Get 'Em!